|Mother & sons #2-4 (of 5)|
|EC&O, shining bright|
~ * ~
Skimming through some posts from the last year, I realized the difference between how I was feeling half a year ago versus these last couple months. There is nothing to say at this point about the effects of Tiffy's death; that would be an exercise in useless masochism. But regarding the changes in my life around the surgery and promotion at work, I realize I am just plain happier.
Even averaging 60-65 hours a week on the job, the ball of stress I had in my stomach is no longer a permanent resident. In fact, it rarely shows up at all. My ribs no longer feel like they're encroaching on my lungs, and that I'm suffocating myself in my own frustration and tension. I walk around the neighborhood and downtown Seattle when I want. I work from home when my schedule allows, and spend some highly desirous time with my family (even if it's just being in the same four walls.) I have... what's that feeling? Energy. It's amazing to recognize that buoyant feeling, that reserve, after having nothing in the tanks at all for a year or more.
Is it... the feeling that the downward spiral has slowed? Perhaps halted altogether? Does the rest of the family feel something similar, that the worst has happened -- "How can it get worse now? It can only go up from here... right?"