philosophy at age eight

“If you cannot control your peanut butter, you cannot expect to control your life.”
~ Judah-ism

Sunday, November 21, 2010

things are looking up for the holidays

We had so many family and friends show up to Lindsey Jams this Friday, some quite unexpectedly.  I wonder if they're feeling the holiday coming on, and are looking for family?  Practicing for Thanksgiving?  Or maybe running from that 'alone in the house on a holiday' dread.  Whatever the drive was, we were so happy to see everyone.
Mother & sons #2-4 (of 5)
EC&O, shining bright
 ~ * ~

Skimming through some posts from the last year, I realized the difference between how I was feeling half a year ago versus these last couple months.  There is nothing to say at this point about the effects of Tiffy's death; that would be an exercise in useless masochism.  But regarding the changes in my life around the surgery and promotion at work, I realize I am just plain happier.

Even averaging 60-65 hours a week on the job, the ball of stress I had in my stomach is no longer a permanent resident.  In fact, it rarely shows up at all. My ribs no longer feel like they're encroaching on my lungs, and that I'm suffocating myself in my own frustration and tension. I walk around the neighborhood and downtown Seattle when I want.  I work from home when my schedule allows, and spend some highly desirous time with my family (even if it's just being in the same four walls.)  I have... what's that feeling? Energy. It's amazing to recognize that buoyant feeling, that reserve, after having nothing in the tanks at all for a year or more. 

Is it... the feeling that the downward spiral has slowed? Perhaps halted altogether? Does the rest of the family feel something similar, that the worst has happened -- "How can it get worse now? It can only go up from here... right?"

1 comment:

MaryMoonHz said...

Yey! ;) So happy to hear you've got that positive energy!!! :) <3